Liberty – I’ve written to you before about my husband leaving me. I have tried to respect your saying that you do not need to know all of the circumstances that have caused the pain and hurt I’m still feeling even though I have prayed the soul ties prayer for weeks. I found a web site that says to stand for your marriage, do not take off wedding rings, leave your home the way it was when your spouse left because God hates divorce and that your prodigal spouse has been taken captive by the enemy, and God is in the restoration business. My friends have told me over and over to let go because I will never be able to trust him again. I find myself thinking if I was just a better person, he would never have left me for another woman. I loose wrong attitudes and wrong patterns of thinking like you say, but then I can’t find a positive thought to replace the wrong attitudes and wrong thinking. Do you think that I don’t want to be healed?
Liberty’s Answer – I was reading in my copy of The Message this morning in devotions. Do you read the Bible every day? You should be, and you should be reading it to hear God’s heart towards you personally. Not just to find something to help you validate that you believe that your husband is coming back. I read the following just before opening up your e-mail. I think you need to read this.
1 Corinthians 7, beginning at verse 12, “For the rest of you who are in mixed marriages (Christian married to non-Christian) we have no explicit command from the Master. So this is what you must do. If you are a man with a wife who is not a believer but who still wants to live with you, hold on to her. 13 If you are a woman with a husband who is not a believer but he wants to live with you, hold on to him. 14 The unbelieving husband shares to an extent in the holiness of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is likewise touched by the holiness of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be left out; as it is, they also are included in the spiritual purposes of God. 15 On the other hand, if the unbelieving spouse walks out, you’ve got to let him or her go. You don’t have to hold on desperately. God has called us to make the best of it, as peacefully as we can. 16 You never know, wife: The way you handle this might bring your husband not only back to you but to God. You never know, husband: The way you handle this might bring your wife not only back to you but to God. 17 And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life.”
If your husband has chosen to walk out, let him go. You cannot physically stop him and I doubt if you can emotionally stop him, either. If God is going to be able to bring him to a point where he will come back and treat you right, He will. But whether or not God can do this, He won’t try one bit harder because of how discouraged and in pain that you are, or how much you are pleading with Him.
I do not mean to seem harsh, but you have to turn this over to God. You cannot change your husband’s mind, you cannot change his behavior. You have asked God to restore your marriage. If He can, He will–but your husband’s unsurrendered soul must be surrendered before God would even want to bring this man back to you. God loves you and wants you healed and whole, not damaged further. You now have to leave the details to God, spending all of your time that you are able to set aside on getting your relationship strengthened with Him.
I have not been to that website you recommended, but I know about this type of ministry. I know they mean well in supporting you and encouraging you to stand for your broken marriage. I also know that there are some people who are standing on the promises that they feel God made to them 15 years ago that their spouses would come back, and those spouses are gone, married to someone else, never more to return. The answer lies in releasing the issue to God and getting on with your relationship with Him. You will never release the issue of your strayed husband to God as long as you feel that you must stay emotionally invested in whether or not God is doing what you want Him to do.
I don’t believe that you absolutely do not want to be healed, but I do think there may be one thing that you’re not admitting to. I think there is a strong possibility that you believe if you allow your pain to be released to God in order to be healed, then God will think you are giving up on standing for your marriage. If that’s true, then your soul believes God won’t make your husband come back unless it keeps presenting your pain to Him–over and over. If you stop hurting, what would your soul have to influence God with?
Your God is so much bigger than that! He needs to know that you believe in Him, that you will stand for Him, that you want to understand and learn that He is more than enough to make you whole and happy. Trust Him, turn fully to Him right now, and release your husband to Him. God will do what’s best and right for you. If your husband is going to come back, there needs to be some serious soul work on his part before he can love you as you should be loved. That may take God some time. If your husband refuses to come back, God will make your life better than you ever imagined if you just trust Him. Just stop trying to emotionally blackmail God with your pain.
The soul ties prayers are not going to work if you are refusing to let them work. You may view your soul tie to your husband as your last connection to him. You have to want to be free of soul ties and want to be healed and made whole if God is going to work fully in your life. I’m not saying your husband won’t come back, I’m saying that you have to let go of that question. It’s been nearly seven years now. Give it to God.
You can continue to pray for God’s will to be done in your life and in your husband’s life. You should continue to loose soul ties and wrong agreements from yourself. You also need to loose the negative thinking that your soul has hit you with because your husband chose to stray. Whether or not you were a better person did not make him stray. He strayed because he’s never let God help him with his unmet needs. You couldn’t fix that for him, only God could.
You must believe that God will work everything out to where it is best for you. Trust Jesus to work this out according to His best will and purposes for your entire life. Jesus is the best thing that has ever happened to you.