Why Won’t God Bring Me A Mate?

Dear Liberty – I have been reading your book, The Unsurrendered Soul, and it’s enlightening and helping me so much.  I’ve been saved since childhood but I’ve never really understood the Lord’s nature. I grew up with an unloving, alcoholic father who never kept his promises and I’ve had a tendency to see the Lord as remiss and uninvolved as well. As I’m approaching middle age, I have a hunger and desire to learn the Lord’s true nature and to have a closer, more meaningful personal relationship with Him. However there is something in the way with my walk with the Lord. I was divorced seven years ago. Around that time a good friend in my church kept telling me that the Lord was saying He had a new mate for me. 

I am the type who longs for love and companionship, and I didn’t have happiness in my short marriage. I’ve dated a few people over the years but everyone turned out to abuse me in some way. The Lord has yet to fulfill his promise to me. If there is a certain person he had in mind for me, then where is he? Why is it taking so long? I keep getting older and the years keep passing, and all the while I am NOT happy with the idea of growing old alone. 

I know the Lord has his own timing but from my end, so far he has not shown himself to be any more of a promise keeper than my earthly father was. The anger, hurt, confusion and fear that it’s never going to happen keep creeping up and hindering my relationship with the Lord. Is this what he wants? Why doesn’t he either fulfill his promise or speak to me somehow about what is going on after all this long, long time I’ve been waiting? I want to get past this and not keep feeling this bitterness and confusion when I try to enter into prayer, worship and learning about him. This has been a “thorn” in my spiritual life that never goes away, and no one ever has any answers for me. Not even the Lord. At times I feel like I have been deceived or tricked or even forgotten and my heart is grieved.

Liberty’s Answer – Thank you for your kind words, but just reading that book isn’t going to get you on the road to cooperating with God’s healing for you. That is like saying you are reading the instruction book for your fire extinguisher while the flames keep coming closer! You should be praying (even more than once if necessary) the prayers you find in ‘The Unsurrendered Soul’ especially the main one in the chapter on Dr. Soul Care. Another prayer that many counselors use that would be very helpful to you is what we call the Page 30 Prayer (Breaking Your Own Soul’s Power) in my second book, ‘Breaking the Power’. You should pray that prayer every day for 30 days to cause your soul to begin giving up its deception and junk. I usually never do this, but I’ve included that prayer at the end of this e-mail. I care very much and I want to see you get your soul straightened out and your relationship tracking with God. I hope you will see the truth and the love in my very forthright answers and comments below. I understand how you are feeling, but I see the deception in your understanding of why you are in such pain. I want you to have truth and healing working in your life to make you whole.

That “something” is your own soul. I also grew up in an alcoholic home, a violent one. I had quite a knee jerk reaction to having a bigger, more powerful father (God) that I couldn’t hide from, even if He was in heaven. I didn’t want anything to do with Him for the first three years of my Christian walk, Jesus was the only one I felt safe with. So I do understand what you are saying. Forgive me for a little straight talk and honesty here, those “words” may have been true and they may have been only because your good friend wanted to make you feel better. However, ask yourself this: why would God give you His “words” to comfort and give you hope when they did not do either one? He wouldn’t! When He speaks, there is always hope, exhortation, and comfort.

Are you sure that having a mate, in the state of pain you are in, is what God has promised to you? I can see from your words that you feel you always get hurt in your relationships. God does not want you hurt again. Here is what I believe that He wants for you: 1) He either wants you to want Him so much, you won’t care if you get married or not. Or, 2) He wants you to want Him so much, He’ll be able to heal you so that you can have a balanced, whole relationship with a man some day. Either way, this is a win-win situation, is it not?

Non-Christians find mates every day. What is so held up in the spiritual or natural world for me? I’m very attractive and have a lot going for me, I don’t understand. Non-Christians get divorced and hurt and betrayed every day as well. Being attractive on the outside and filled with pain on the inside isn’t going to help any relationship you might get into. Only in God’s will are you going to ever have a fulfilling, loving relationship with a man. That means you must be whole on the inside, which is far more important that any external attractiveness.

Do you get the same reaction at all that I just got when you reread your previous sentence? Don’t you realize that you are not ready for a relationship at this time? God wants to heal you and make you whole, and once you are, then if you still want a relationship with a man, I believe God will send you one that is a major, major blessing! Give God a break! You are too wounded and needy to handle another major wounding by a failed relationship! He is protecting you because He loves you so much.

If you really want what you just said, then lay down your stand on “this promise” that you feel God is breaking. Lay down your soul�s desires, and ask God to help you allow Him to do what He needs to do to fix the brokenness in your soul/heart. If you are praying these prayers at all, then loose all feelings of anger, hurt, bitterness, confusion, fear of getting older and being alone, and wrong ideas about having a thorn in your side from God. Loose all wrong ideas you have about being ready for a relationship, loose all really wrong ideas you have about God not being a promise keeper (and ask Him to forgive you for those wrong thoughts). He has promised He will never leave you or forsake you, He has promised that He will always love you. He has promised to give His best to you! Let Him show you what those promises mean to you.

I recognize your need for acceptance and affirmation by a man. I struggled with that same overwhelming need for years after my divorce in 1971, and I struggled again and again after two more relationships that I was just sure were the answer to THE MAN of my life! Neither one was; those two men were just as wounded and needy as I was. You have to understand that there are no men out there right now who could meet and fix all your unmet needs, unhealed hurts, and unresolved issues. No man exists on this earth who could live up to and meet your expectations that he could make you feel whole and fulfilled and capable of believing that God hadn’t abandoned you.

Everything you’ve said in the last three sentences of your letter, are deceptions that you have allowed your soul to feed to you and they just keep torching your feelings! I am so sorry.

Your soul has wounds and needs and holes in it. Your soul (your mind, will, and emotions) has determined that only a human relationship will fix those sources of its pain and need. If you don�t strip it of its wrong patterns of thinking, your soul will drive you deeper into despair over being alone. It may even drive you into wrong relationships. The issue here is that you need to be whole, you need to be complete to be a blessing to a man and to be blessed by a man. No human being can make you whole and take away all your pain, only your Creator can if you will let Him. As I said above, if you let God work all of the painful issues out in your life, then if you still want a relationship, I totally believe God will bring you a major super mate!

You can stop fighting with what God wants to do to heal you and cooperate with receiving His grace and mercy if you will begin to pray the prayers I have recommended and pray them with focus and a desire to believe that they are going to work! Please consider what I’ve said carefully and prayerfully. I will be praying for you. Liberty

Training-Wheel Prayer for Breaking Soul Power (From Breaking the Power II)

Bless the Lord, O my soul, with all that is within you. Bless His holy name! Soul, I bind you to your destiny as a fully integrated, divinely created part of God’s purposes for my life. I loose the wrong beliefs, attitudes, patterns of thinking, control factors, self-centeredness, and layers you have protected and created to try to control my life.

I loose denial, deception, and discouragement from you. I loose the power and effects of all the word curses you have taken into your inner chambers and made your truth. I loose the effects and influences of all the wrong agreements you’ve entered into and the soul-ties you have joined together with. I loose the generational bondage thinking you have received from family members and accepted as fact, whether from the ungodly transference of evil spirits, from close association with unredeemed human spirits, or from ancestral ungodliness. Jesus Christ has made me free from all generational curses, and I am now enacting and speaking that truth into being in my own life. I bind myself to the full liberty that Christ has extended to me through the brand-new covenant relationship, new family heritage, and new bloodline that is now mine.

You, soul, were created by God to translate what He has spoken into my born-again spirit out to the world through me, you were not created to run my life. You have not yet begun to imagine the things that God has in store for you to accomplish when you come completely into alignment with His will and purposes for your existence. But you, my soul, are becoming a surrendered vehicle of divine expression. Through the thoughts and words of life expressed out of my renewed mind, through the supernatural peace and joy coming out of my renewed emotions, through the righteous and godly courage and boldness coming out of my renewed will, you “my soul” are going to bring forth understanding to many who have never understood God. Soul, I bind each part of you to God’s will and purposes!

Mind, once you turned in circles like a rat caught in a maze, constantly going over and over negative thoughts and fears about the decisions you did not have answers for, yet you felt trapped into making. Remember the nightmares that terrorized you, coming from your confusion and hopelessness, the bad dreams that would not allow a peaceful night’s sleep. Remember the unresolved issues you could not resolve and kept trying to bury; only they crawled up out of those graves again and again.

Mind, I bind you to the truth of the clarity of thought that God has touched you with now, to a realization of the divine interventions occurring all the time in the problems you could never solve, to the peace now possible in your sleep. Mind, I bind you to a grateful awareness of the wisdom and revelation that God has already begun to pour through you. You will be brought into a faithful and true alignment with Hi so that I will become one of those in the end times who are filled with understanding and able to teach others, as spoken of by the Prophet Daniel. You will be used to show forth God’s wisdom and revelation for understanding in these last days. You will be filled with divine understanding by the Holy Spirit to enable me to teach many who will not understand what has begun to happen, even though they search diligently throughout God’s Word. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not His benefits.

Emotions, forget not how you once reeled between laughter and tears, boldness and fear, hope and despair, affection and anger. You frightened people away from me by either bordering on tears of neediness or outbursts of rage, and then you fed fuel to my feelings of rejection and loneliness within. But now, emotions, you are learning to receive divine peace, to express joy and hope, to respond to the Holy Spirit’s lifting power when old, negative feelings try to ascend. I bind you, emotions, to the divine role you are to play in my life: your unique ability to project God’s peace and joy and hope to those who do not understand the promises of His Spirit. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not His benefits.

Will, forget not the causes and the battles you used to engage in, always rigidly implacable and unrelenting in your stands. Unrepentant, unbending, unyielding, always unwilling to work with another’s ideas, you alienated many. Will, you caused much grief with your stubbornness and rebellion to God’s ways. But now, my will, you are bound to the will of the Father�through my prayers I have obligated you to His will for my life. You are learning how to be strong, yet flexible; to be right, yet entreatable; to be bold, yet gentle; to be courageous, yet concerned for others. Only the Holy Spirit can perfectly balance each side of these strengths in me. I bind you, will, to the total and complete purposes and plans of the Lord. I bind you to the will of my heavenly Father.

Will, you shall show forth His courage, His boldness, and His fearlessness as you give me the backbone and assurance to stand in the face of danger and enemy attack, always knowing that He is Almighty God who loves me. You shall come into alignment with His divine order for my destiny. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits.

I loose the effects and influences of every soulish agreement my soul has ever participated with. I cut asunder all soulish ties that my soul has sought, accepted, and expected to derive power from. I loose the wrong desires and motives that my soul has carefully protected and used to bring others into agreement with its deceptions. Soul, you will no longer derive power and ungodly satisfaction from drawing upon a soulish tie with another human being or with any evil spirit. You will come into alignment with God’s power and will. You will surrender the layers you’ve laid down over the deepest, darkest chambers within yourself. I loose your layers of self-control, self-reliance, self-denial, self-protectiveness, self-defense, and self-centeredness that you have piled over my most vulnerable areas that are so needful of God’s grace. I loose the deceptions and the lies you are clinging to, the soulish guilt you have allowed to bring me torment over things that were not my fault. I loose the deceptions you have hammered me with to cause me to cave in to your control.

Lord, I strip away every layer and stronghold my soul has erected to keep you from getting into the darkness within its inner chambers. I ask you to pour your grace and mercy into these areas of need, hurt, and unresolved issues. I know that only you can fix them. I bind the inner parts of my soul to your truth, Father, so that it will always be the plumb line for the truing up of my mind, my emotions, and my will. I want your truth to be the straight edge of my life, the guiding light of my life, and the backbone of my soul. Bless the Lord, O my soul, with all that is within you. Forget not His benefits. Remember what He has done for you! In Jesus’ name, Amen.

<<< Return to Difficult Issues Main Page